وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ ۗ
“…And women have rights similar to those of men over them, according to what is equitable, and men have a degree over them….” Baqarah: 228
Last email (here), I mentioned what Ibn ‘Abbas commented on this verse. Isn’t it interesting that the same verse – some men can use it to feel superior? Yet this verse – S.Ibn Abbas used it to show men’s “superiority” in giving grace.
Likewise the hadith of women being most of the denizens of hell:
The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.” It was asked, “Do they disbelieve in Allah?” (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, “They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, ‘I have never received any good from you.”
Many women are troubled by this hadith – understanding that it is specifically for women, when in reality – this is a trait that is hated by Allah – this trait of being ungrateful is what causes people – men or women – to be of the fire.
Yes, this trait is more common in women – thus the reminder came to us, but this doesn’t mean that a man can do this and get away with it.
It’s these nuances and interpretations that can make a HUGE difference between a successful marriage and a failed one.
What is the mindset behind the action?
Is it of superiority and disdain for the other?
Or is it of servitude and deriving honor through that servitude?
These are not learned in fiqh books.
They are learned by combing through our tradition, through the exemplary model in the Seerah and the Companions.
That’s why my Islamic Marriage Course is so much more than fiqh – fiqh is the lesser part of the course – the major part is understanding what an Islamic Marriage actually is – through many texts.
